I don't often write about myself in Women on 2 Wheels. Most of the time I'd rather tell someone else's story. But when we decided to explore why off-road riding can make us better road riders, I realised there was one experience I wanted to share...

Now I’ve been on two wheels for more than 30 years , yet the 5 years I spent with my ex husband- an experienced rider and mechanic and a very controlling man, really undermined my confidence.

On the back of a terrible row I booked an Airbnb some 30 miles away, packed up the bike, and headed off for some space to think.

It was a beautiful spring day and I could feel myself unwinding as I rode.

Now usually I properly plan anywhere I’m riding, certainly I research anywhere I’m a staying with the bike, but this time I’d rushed out too fast. My first misgivings started when I couldn’t find the place,

I remember driving several times through the tiny rural village and eventually realising the road I was looking for was actually a farm track. I was on my fully fared and loaded FZR1000, a bike that always felt a little too heavy and on which I could only get the balls of my feet down if the road was flat.

Still, fuelled by anger and determination I headed up the most rutted, hilly track I’ve ever taken in a road bike.

As the gradient increased so did the ruts and rocks but it was dry and a steady throttle pulled me through. I remember leaning forwards on the steeper sections convinced I’d cartwheel backwards if I didn’t.

It took me about 20 minutes to travel about a quarter of a mile. It was dusk when I reached the farmhouse and I was so grateful to finally park up and unpack into the beautiful little cottage that, when I had booked it, looked like the comforting haven I was craving. I remember sitting curled up in the little bed actually writing a pros and cons list for leaving my marriage - one overwhelming pro - getting back to the confident happy women I’d been before.

I woke up to a terrible storm, high wind and heavy rain that didn’t ease, and you probably already realise what I didn’t until some hours later soggily packing up my bike to head home, my resolve faded in the light of day anyway …

what goes up must come down.

I rode to the start of the track and stopped dead. It looked like a stream, what I could see of the surface were wet rocks and I wouldn’t have wanted to walk it let alone take my bike down.

Sadly there was only one person I could call, and so a few hours later my husband pitched up. I couldn't escape the feeling that, in his eyes, I'd just proved everything he'd always told me and was enjoying the fact that I had proven his point and been unable to manage without him.

He passed me his car keys and had that bike down the track in 5 minutes. No hesitation, with excellent control. The weight of the bike and the light handling he gave it while standing on the legs, the way he was looking ahead not down and his well timed throttle inputs meant he didn’t need to stop.

I think back now, with a handful of off-road courses and motocross track days behind me - I didn’t think they were for me - they were for muddy puddle loving, far flung adventurers. People with off road bikes who lived in Wales. :)

I had heard people say that off road riding improved your road riding but I’d never expected to have the need to understand how to handle such loose gravel, sand, water and rocks on my road bike. I was a committed fair weather rider.

Looking back now, I realise that off-road riding didn't just teach me how to ride on loose surfaces. It taught me to trust the bike to move beneath me without panicking. It taught me to look ahead instead of at the obstacle in front of my wheel. And perhaps most importantly, it reminded me that confidence isn't something other people give you. It's something you build, one skill at a time.

I'm sharing my experience for those women who want their independence - who want to be able to feel confident getting on and off a rutty rally field, cope with our terrible potholed gravel washed roads in shoulder seasons. If you've ever looked at a gravel car park, or a washed-out country lane and thought, "I can't do this," I hope this article changes your mind.

Have a look at the WomenOn2Wheels Training Hub for training providers in your area, or use the recommender on the Hub to find somewhere that best suits what you are looking for., helping connect you with women instructors, lowered bikes or providers that come with our reader community recommendations.